Sweden changed me, and I’ll never be the same 🥹

I’ve struggled A LOT over the past few weeks to come up with a conclusion to my time in Sweden. Getting home and being home have been so crazy. In my fairytale-oriented, delusional mind, I would’ve hoped that everything would’ve become clear, that I would’ve sat in the taxi on the way to the airport, or on the plane just after lift-off with a tear in my eye and a solid epiphany resounding in my heart 🙃. Unfortunately, things just don’t work that way, and as someone reminded me today, we constantly exist in the shades of grey. So, again, because somebody decided that life should be difficult to live, explain, and comprehend, here I am, sitting on a park bench in the mountains of Jamaica, hoping that I would understand what the past year has meant and will mean for me going forward ☹️.

I guess it’s not all bad though, there have been some thoughts reverberating in my mind, and normally when that happens, I’m inclined to open my mouth, or in this case my keyboard, and share 😂. Maybe they’ll make sense to you, or maybe even me someday. Let’s see 🤷🏾.

Sweden allowed me to step back 😮‍💨

I’m fully convinced that I came to Sweden in a moment when I was lost. There were a lot of situations and people in my life at the time that were causing me to lose sight of who I was, and I was beginning to see that 😞. The thing is, I couldn’t have gone just anywhere to find myself. There’s just something about Sweden, something about being obligated to slow down. I spent a lot of my year just turning the same situations over in my mind again and again. Those long walks in the forest, post-gym supermarket runs, and reflections on the slow days may not have always given me the clear direction that I wanted, but what they lacked in direction, they gave me in understanding. I got to take a step back to figure out who I was, who I am and who I need to be moving forward.

What’s more, the distance brought me closer to the people I need in my life. The people who reached out despite the 7-hour time difference and conflicting schedules are closer to me now than ever before, especially the ones who knew I wasn’t ok without me even saying anything. That was something I definitely needed to see 🥹.

Sweden showed me what could be 😇

I know that looks can be deceiving, but I would be so happy if I even got the chance to cosplay a family in Sweden just for a day. If I’m being honest, where I come from, the concept of family is null and void. I’m not used to seeing families that function as a unit, much less where both parents are actively involved in the lives of their children. In Sweden, I see parents taking their kids to the pool in the middle of the work day, I see a family of four riding their bicycles through the parks on the weekends, or entire families watching one of their kids perform at the opera on a Tuesday afternoon. What’s more, those families don’t all look the same.

The respect that Swedish society puts on the concept of balance is unmatched, and what’s astounding is how successful they’ve been, even when they don’t prioritize work. As the home to some of the biggest, most game-changing companies in the world, the evidence is clear for everyone to see, balance is possible. Work life balance is no longer just a concept to me, it’s a reality, and Sweden taught me that a healthy family, prosperity and success can coexist with it 🥹.

Sweden reminded me of what I need 🥹

I guess it’s conflicting, but although I loved my life in Sweden, I just couldn’t stay ☹️, at least that’s what my heart tells me. Why? It’s pretty simple actually, it’s because I’m at home with the people I love, and I’ve figured out that that’s the be all and end all of my life. 

Let me tell you a story. I arrived at Stockholm Arlanda a few weeks ago, after my Swedish road trip, and almost started panicking when I thought I couldn’t get a bus to go home. Fortunately, I’d made a mistake, and I just had to wait a little longer. In that moment though, I felt desperately afraid, not because I felt unsafe, but just because I felt so alone, and because I didn’t have anyone that I could readily call for help 😢. Moments like those remind me of the fact that I’m not amongst the people I know and love, and that reminder can be very difficult to take. 

I honestly believe that Sweden, and Stockholm in particular, is a society that’s best experienced in the company of others. Although living here is amazing, doing so alone really got old for me, and at the end of the day, it’s just not what I need it to be 😞.

My conclusion

I think I’ve swung from one extreme to the next 😅, so, having said all this, what’s my verdict? I mean, Sweden did change me, but should you come? For me, I think there are a few people who should consider Sweden:

1. For those who want to refocus, renew and rejuvenate, come to Sweden
2. If you want to figure out who you are, come to Sweden
3. If you’ve lost yourself, and you’re looking for you…come to Sweden

Don’t be fooled though, moving to Sweden didn’t make all my problems go away, and coming home has reminded me of that 🫠. What Sweden does do though, is it forces you to open up to yourself, to a new place and to new people, but it doesn’t scare the life out of you or make you feel like you’re on a battlefield all by yourself. Lagom is what they call it, a Swedish word meaning not too little, not too much, but just right 😊. 

I must say, at the start of the year, I was proudly marked by the tenacity, zeal and pride associated with the Jamaican spirit, but now, it feels like that spirit has been invaded – not distorted or altered – but impacted by the measured, harmonious nature of another – the Swedish spirit. So, although I don’t feel like Sweden will be my permanent home for now, I feel like it will follow me for the rest of my life, much like it does the rest of the world: facilitating sound judgement, reminding me that I don’t need to be the loudest or brightest to make an impact, and inspiring me to silently take strides that change the world. So, thank you Sweden, for reminding me of who I am, and for reinforcing who I need to be in this troubled world. I’ll never forget you 🥹. 

I want to say a HUGE thank you to the amazing team at Study in Sweden, and to everyone who has walked along with me on this journey. For every like, share, or comment, thank you for allowing me to share such an important moment in my life with you 🥹. As I sign out for the final time, I wish everyone reading this all the love and prosperity in the world, you matter, and you deserve it 🫂. I promise, this isn’t goodbye, just a see you later 🥰.

Until we meet again, hej då
Joshua ❤️